New

I can't believe tomorrow will be day I go back to college. Well, it was supposed to be last week but since attendances don't matter that first week, it ain't hurt anyone to be lazy right. The holidays have been making me quite a slack chick and being a potato couch almost every afternoon with the television and my break lunches. No, I wake up naturally, so it's definitely after twelve. I'm pretty good with sleeping over time.

Even though the new year mood passed, I still feel like I'm not new yet. Everything around me changed except me. Even the one person I thought would probably take time to feel normal seemed to heal already. I'm still kinda trapped in a place I'm unfamiliar with and I really want to get out. It's really hard trying to undo my feelings and just wipe it off. The question is how long would it take, that's crazy. Everyday I think about it and there are times when I think why. It's because I was living as an expectation but not myself. That's why I haven't been happy for the past couple of months. And I know I was making that person unhappy too.

I have so many things planned for the idea of 'us' but it just didn't matter anymore after a decision. It's sad how life make you choose between staying true to yourself or being with someone you love so much but losing 'myself' on the way. Sometimes I think it's unfair of God to put me here but I trust His plans and hopes He restores my faith. I regretted nothing but am really sad how it went down.

Since tomorrow will be the day I start my busy days, I will try to put all my energy and attention to all of these. This semester, will probably be the one I wished it will be roller coaster like, challenging and just crazy. I want to drown in that pile of crap. Since everything is different now, I'll have a new lifestyle to adapt to. Yes, one person can change your entire regime of life and I guess I need to change it and do new things. Like, exercise more, hit the gym, swim, cycle and just a good  breakfast every morning by waking up early. (Unless I rave and party the night before which is rare) I want to just be myself again. And never love until I'm ready.

If everyone could see how things will end at the end all the consequences, would we have chosen that path?